If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-blossom with flowers.

And at night you will look up at the stars. Where I live, everything is so small that I cannot show you where my star is to be found. It is better like that. My star will just be one of the stars, for you. And so you will love to watch all of the stars in the heavens. They will be your friends.

All men have the stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travellers, these stars are guides. For others, they are no more than little lights in the sky.

But all these stars are silent. You – you alone – will have the stars as no one else has them and in one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing when you look at the sky at night.

And when your sorrow is comforted, for time soothes all sorrows, you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, just for that pleasure.'

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, --and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of --Wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air...
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark or even eagle flew --
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

—John Gillespie Magee

Life after Death

These things I know:

how the living go on living

and how the dead go on living with them

so that in a forest

even a dead tree casts a shadow

and the leaves fall one by one

and the branches break in the wind

and the bark peels off slowly

and the trunk cracks

and the rain seeps in through the cracks

and the trunk falls to the ground

and the moss covers it

and in the spring the rabbits find it

and build their nest

inside the dead tree

so that nothing is wasted in nature or in love.

—Laura Gilpin

Hanukah Prayer Blessing Ancestors

This can be adapted for any day of the year or for daily practice.

Holy One of Blessing. Spirit of All Life, as I light these Hanukah candles I attune to the soul of my _______ (relationship) ___________(name/names). Beloved _________(relationship), I invite you into my heart and ask for your blessings in my life. Watch over me and my family. May my life express those values you held dear, values that inspire and help me to make the world a better place. If there is a need for more forgiveness and healing between us, may the lights of Hanukah radiate healing and illuminate the capacity for forgiveness between us.

Holy One of Blessing, You who made miracles for our ancestors in days of old, continue to bring more miraculous love, light and healing into our hearts, our homes, our community, and the world. I am grateful to those ancestors whose spirits touch mine and I offer my thanks for your loving wisdom. Amen.

—Reb Simcha Raphael, Ph.D., Founding Director, DA’AT Institute for Death Awareness, Advocacy and Training

Holidays, Living Memorial, First Year MilestonesAmy CunninghamDecember 27, 2019Hanukah, Jewish memorialization

Do Not Hurry

Do not hurry

As you walk with grief;

It does not help the journey.

Walk slowly,

Pausing often;

Do not hurry

As you walk with grief.

--Eli Jenkins

As We Look Back

As we look back over time
We find ourselves wondering
Did we remember to thank you enough
For all you have done for us?
For all the times you were by our sides
To help and support us
To celebrate our successes
To understand our problems
And accept our defeats?
Or for teaching us by your example,
The value of hard work, good judgement,
Courage and integrity?
We wonder if we ever thanked you
For the sacrifices you made.
To let us have the very best?
And for the simple things
Like laughter, smiles and times we shared?
If we have forgotten to show our
Gratitude enough for all the things you did,
We're thanking you now.
And we are hoping you knew all along,
How much you meant to us.

-- Clare Jones

Faithful Gardener

Everything that slows us down and forces patience,

everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help.

Gardening is an instrument of grace.

Help us to be ever faithful gardeners of the spirit,

who know that without darkness nothing comes to birth,

and without light, nothing flowers.

-- May Sarton

Belief

I have to believe
That you still exist
Somewhere,
That you still watch me
Sometimes
That you still love me
Somehow.

I have to believe
That life has meaning
Somehow
That I am useful here
Sometimes,
That I make small differences
Somewhere.

I have to believe
That I need to stay here
For some time,
That all this teaches me
Something,
So that I can meet you again
Somewhere.

-- Ann Thorp

Advice from La Llorona

Each grief has its unique side.

Choose the one that appeals to you.

Go gently.

Your body needs energy to repair the amputation.

Humor phantom pain.

Your brain cells are soaked with salt;

connections fail unexpectedly and often.

Ask for help.

Accept help.

Read your grief like the daily newspaper:

headlines may have information you need.

Scream. Drop-kick the garbage can across the street.

Don’t feel guilty if you have a good time.

Don’t act as if you haven’t been hit by a Mack Truck.

Do things a little differently

but don’t make a lot of changes.

Revel in contradiction.

Talk to the person who died.

Give her a piece of your mind.

Try to touch someone at least once a day.

Approach grief with determination.

Pretend the finish line doesn’t keep receding.

Lean into the pain.

You can’t outrun it.

-- Deborah A. Miranda

Birthdays, HolidaysKateyanne UnullisiFebruary 18, 2018First Year Milestones

But Once

I shall pass this way but once;

any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being;

let me do it now.

Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

-- Etienne de Grellet

Living Each Day

Now I am gone, now I am lost to you

Find me again just as you used to do:

In the house – when you go from room to room you’ll find

The bits and pieces that I’ve left behind.

In the street – of course . . . I’ve stopped to window-shop;

You carry on, my love, I’ll catch you up.

At night – as darkness slowly fills the sky:

I’m late; don’t fret; I’ll be there by and by.

At morning – when the sky is still blue-black,

I had to go out early: I’ll be back.

In sunshine – as you peer into the glare –

A shape that seems to be both light and air.

In rain – as you look out and people pass –

One leaves a reflection printed on the glass.

In the garden – when you doze away the hours

I pass with a smile on my face, and my arms full of flowers.

  -- Lisa Kitson

The Return of the King

“There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tower

high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while.

The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up

out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him.

For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him

that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing:

there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.” 

-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Birthdays, HolidaysAmy CunninghamSeptember 21, 2017First Year Milestones

Memorial Day

It is easily forgotten, year to

year, exactly where the plot is,

though the place is entirely familiar

a willow tree by a curving roadway   

sweeping black asphalt with tender leaves;

damp grass strewn with flower boxes,

canvas chairs, darkskinned old ladies

circling in draped black crepe family stones,   

fingers cramped red at the knuckles, discolored   

nails, fresh soil for new plants, old rosaries;

such fingers kneading the damp earth gently down   

on new roots, black humus caught in grey hair   

brushed back, and the single waterfaucet,

birdlike upon its grey pipe stem,

a stream opening at its foot.

We know the stories that are told,

by starts and stops, by bent men at strange joy   

regarding the precise enactments of their own   

gesturing. And among the women there will be   

a naming of families, a counting off, an ordering.

The morning may be brilliant; the season

is one of brilliances sunlight through

the fountained willow behind us, its splayed   

shadow spreading westward, our shadows westward,   

irregular across damp grass, the close-set stones.

It may be that since our walk there is faltering,

moving in careful steps around snow-on-the-mountain,   

bluebells and zebragrass toward that place

between the willow and the waterfaucet, the way   

is lost, that we have no practiced step there,

and walking, our own sway and balance, fails us.

  -- Michael Anania

The Inevitable

While I was fearing it, it came,

But came with less of fear,

Because that fearing it so long

Had almost made it dear.

There is a fitting a dismay,

A fitting a despair.

'Tis harder knowing it is due,

Than knowing it is here.

The trying on the utmost,

The morning it is new,

Is terribler than wearing it

A whole existence through.

-- Emily Dickinson

Birthdays, Holidays, Virtual GatheringAmy CunninghamSeptember 21, 2017First Year Milestones

Prayer of Faith

We trust that beyond absence there is a presence.

That beyond the pain there can be healing.

That beyond the brokenness there can be wholeness.

That beyond the anger there may be peace.

That beyond the hurting there may be forgiveness.

That beyond the silence there may be the word.

That beyond the word there may be understanding.

That through understanding there is love.

-- Unknown

Finding You in Beauty

The rays of light filtered through

The sentinels of trees this morning.

I sat in the garden and contemplated.

The serenity and beauty

Of my feelings and surroundings

Completely captivated me.

I thought of you.

I discovered you tucked away

In the shadows of the trees.

Then, rediscovered you

In the smiles of the flowers

As the sun penetrated their petals

In the rhythm of the leaves

Falling in the garden

In the freedom of the birds

As they fly searching as you do.

I’m very happy to have found you,

Now you will never leave me

For I will always find you in the beauty of life.

-- Walter Rinder

I Shall Live Beyond Death

I shall live beyond death, and I shall sing in your ears

Even after the vast sea-wave carries me back

To the vast sea-depth.

I shall sit at your board though without a body,

And I shall go with you to your fields, a spirit invisible.

I shall come to you at your fireside, a guest unseen.

Death changes nothing but the masks that cover our faces.

The woodsman shall be still a woodsman,

The ploughman, a ploughman,

And he who sang his song to the wind shall sing it also to

              the moving spheres.

-- Kahlil Gibran, from The Garden of The Prophet

To Those Who Are Crushed By Mourning

Those who are worn out and crushed by this mourning,

let your hearts consider this: This is the path that has existed from the time

of creation and will exist forever.

Many have drunk from it and many will yet drink.

As was the first meal, so shall be the last.

May the master of comfort comfort you.

Blessed are those who comfort the mourners.

-- Jewish blessing